Comfort
by Jenny.Simone.Kate
Summary: Beckett feels lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.
1. Chapter 1

**Comfort**

**Beckett is lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.**

**A/N: Ok, guys, this is my second attempt to fanfiction, and the first one in the direction of a story and not just a scene. Please forgive my mistakes and be gentle with me. This little thing here bugged me since 4x13 when I saw Beckett with her light grey blazer and the longing look on her face. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, just my imagination.**

* * *

><p>It was a few weeks after we had our little escapade into the world of a celebrity starlet and after we both fell in love with the adorable royal.<p>

To me it felt like something had changed within the way she looked at me, the way she frequently touched me, brushed my fingers when I handed her the coffee in the morning or touched my shoulder with hers when we were sitting in front of the murder board.

And today it was even more than lately. Something felt odd, but I could not quite place it. The only thing I could think of constantly was the way she drove me crazy with all those gentle touches and those adorable smiles she shoot at me. One day this woman would be the death of me.

It definitely was a bittersweet torture.

And darn it, she wore the same light grey blazer again today. Instead of the dark turtleneck she had worn back then she wore a thin, black sweatshirt and said blazer. The view drove me crazy, she looked just too beautiful. I did not know how long I could keep my hands to myself.

And still, we were at the bullpen and there was absolutely no way I could wrap my arms around her, let alone kiss her. 

It was probably better this way, at least as long as she had her gun with her.

* * *

><p>I definitely wasn't myself today. But after another night of nightmares full of blood and gravestones and dark shadows hunting me and my writer – wait, since when have I started to call Castle <em>my<em> writer? – anyway, after such a night I was unconsciously searching for a little comfort, I think.

And who could better provide it to me than him? Him, who was always there for me, always at my side as long as I let him be. Who knew me so well, sometimes better than I know myself.

It would be no surprise if he had already found out, why I was behaving differently, that I wanted to try to give us a chance and move past my worries. That I gave my best to tear apart the wall surrounding me, brick by brick. Awfully slowly.  
>By the look he shoot me a few minutes before, full of longing, he already knows what's going on.<p>

As always.

* * *

><p>"Let's call it a day, boys. I don't think we'll be getting any further tonight. Let's start fresh in the morning." she said at about half past 10 p.m. and Ryan and Esposito did not need to be told twice. They put their cups of coffee into the sink in the break room, took their jackets and were already heading off towards the elevator.<p>

The whole bullpen was quiet and empty now, almost everyone was home already, except for a few silent figures walking through the corridors. And there it was again, the look on her face, the silent need for comfort, the loneliness in her eyes. It made my heart ache and my brain go nuts. It made me ask her out to Remy's for some comfort food after this long day. She agreed, a little too quickly for the Kate Beckett I know. But why would I complain? I helped her into the light black jacket she wore over her blazer as it was early march and quite chilly outside. I couldn't help to stare at her, the way she looked so stunning beautiful and so forlorn at the same time.

When we reached the elevator and stepped inside I was getting nervous. I knew what I wanted to do, what I _had_ to do, but I didn't know how she would react. If she was going to shoot me or push me away or just run away from me again.

But I just could not help myself.

And as soon as the elevator doors closed I turned towards her and let my hands glide under her jacket and her blazer, feeling the soft material of her shirt against my palms. I took one step closer and put my arms around her slim waist, just holding her there.

Not pushing any further, just enjoying the contact, providing comfort and closeness as long as she wanted to have it.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts?<strong>

**If anyone likes to beta this little piece, please pm me! English is not my first language - I just learned it at school – and I would be very thankful for a little help here.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Comfort**

**Beckett is lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.**

**A/N: Wow wow wow wow wow! Guys, I cannot believe the amazing response to the first chapter. It was so little and nevertheless my e-mail account was flooded with alerts and favorites. Thank you SO much! I am really overwhelmed by this great response and it means so much to me!  
>A special thanks to <strong>BelleEpoque17, **who even added me to her Favorite Authors list – WOW again!**

**Now, on with the story :o)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, just my imagination.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously: <strong>__And as soon as the elevator doors closed I turned towards her and let my hands glide under her jacket and her blazer, feeling the soft material of her shirt against my palms. I took one step closer and put my arms around her slim waist, just holding her there. Not pushing any further, just enjoying the contact, providing comfort and closeness as long as she wanted to have it. _

Oh my gosh, what was Castle thinking. He couldn't… He… Well apparently he could. Just wrap his arms around me in the bullpen elevator. And what was I thinking not to shoot him? Or at least twist his ear? Yeah, to twist his ear, that would be fun. But damn, it felt so good.

_So_ _good._

And so I could not help but stand there, with him all around me and simply leaning in on him. My arms moved on their own accord and wrapped around his strong shoulders and the only thing I felt was safety. Maybe contentment, but I would never tell him that. There were so many things rushing trough my head in this moment. So many words I wanted to whisper into his ear, so many things I imagined doing to him. Doing _with_ him. But I couldn't. Not right now…

Perhaps some other day. Hopefully some other day.

So we simply stayed like this until the elevator let us know with a little 'ding' that we had arrived at the ground floor. And as quickly as those strong arms of my writer – gosh, I did it again – embraced me, that quickly they were gone again. I would never admit it, but I missed the touch instantly, missed the warmth and the comfort it had provided me with.

But I was thankful for him trying to be discreet and it wasn't a second too early, as we were both greeted by Lanie who stood in front of the elevator and was waiting for it to arrive at her floor.

"Uh oh, what's going on here with the two of you? Is there anything you want to tell me?"

* * *

><p>Damn, she must have seen the look on my face, I thought instantly. If it held the only slightest proof of what I have felt a few seconds before, it definitely gave me away. It was hard enough for me to pull away from my Detective when I realized that we reached the ground floor. I did not want her to be embarrassed or feeling awkward if someone would suddenly be standing in front of us.<p>

But if it had been just for me, I would have stayed like this a little longer. It was amazing that she had let me hold her in my arms. The feeling of her slim waist underneath my hands was forever burned into my memory. Just like the way her hair felt when it was tickling my nose. And the way it smelled, she smelled. I always loved the little hint of cherries on her, that's how she smelled when we got to know each other all those years ago. But lately, I only realized it right there and then, she smelled like vanilla with a hint of coconut. And this simply drove me crazy again. Like anything about her. I just felt like a teenage boy again, only able to think of all those things that drive me crazy for her. Her looks, her eyes, her smile, her smell and her mind. There wasn't anything about her that would not cause these feelings inside of my stomach and left me yearning for her. Maybe her stubbornness. But who was I fooling, I also loved this about her. That she wouldn't give in and wouldn't back down. I was just hoping it wouldn't get her killed one day. And I was hoping she would show exactly the same endurance when it came to our relationship. Wait, safe this thought for later. We're not there yet. But holding her in my arms, holding her so close, definitely made me vow to do _any_thing in my power to get us there. But for now I had to let her go as we were still in a public place.

Thank God I was able to form this thought in my fogged brain. But apparently my face gave me away nevertheless. So I just went with the obvious.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lanie. We were just about to head home. Separately…" I added when the look on her face got even worse.

"Of course… Fool another one. What's going on here, girlfriend? What's that look on your face?" she asked again, this time with the slightest smirk playing around her lips.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Apparently Kate went the same way dealing with our always curious Lanie, somehow trying to hide her little rosy cheeks. I made another mental snapshot of her, to join all those other ones of her that are burned into my brain

But I knew she wouldn't buy it, so I changed my strategy and went for attacking her myself.

"Anyway, Lanie… What are you doing here? Esposito just left a few minutes ago…"

Oh, that was not good. Definitely not good. Her eyes became cold as steel and the smirk was gone instantly as Esposito's name left my lips.

"That's none of your business, Castle, so shut up. And what makes you think I would look for him? We broke up, remember?" She shot me another glare, turned on her heels and stormed away.

Suddenly I was feeling really uncomfortable, I definitely did not want to hurt her. But the smirk on Kate's face let me forget everything else and with the amused look on her face, I figured Lanie wasn't hurt and definitely not as upset as she wanted me to believe.

And then it dawned upon me and I asked her: "She was so looking for Espo, right?"

"Definitely."

* * *

><p>Whew, that was close. Apparently Castle and I were wearing very telltale expressions when the elevator doors opened. Thank God he saved the situation, as always. I was too stunned to react properly. Wait, since when is he able to do that to me? To leave me stunned and speechless and losing my wit? And just with a simple embrace? I definitely did not like where this was going. Oh, who was I fooling? I just loved where this was going.<p>

I knew for quite a time that we were heading toward the inevitable. But I did not know if I wanted to move that quickly. The impulse for just reaching out to him, hug him, kiss him, and doing a lot of other things to him, especially doing _other _things to him, was definitely there. But I could not quite follow it. Not yet. But where was the harm in a little hug and a dinner at Remy's? I wanted to let go and live again – so I just had to do it.

But somehow my thoughts drifted into the same direction all the time. First to all those wonderful moments we could have if I would just let him in, but instantly all of them were washed away by the panic I felt. I just did not want to screw things up. To lose him as a friend. As the solid rock in my life I could _always_ rely on. I had to sort those fears out first and find out if it was really worth the risk. But then again I felt I didn't have chance. I was already too deep into it, wasn't I?

We were still standing right before the elevator and both deep in our own thoughts. So I figured if I wanted to get to eat something before the summer I had to take the initiative.

I moved forward a few steps, but when I turned Castle hadn't followed. So I just stuck to the words that always worked with him.

"Castle? Are you coming or what?"

* * *

><p><strong>So, again quite short I know, but I wanted to have this piece out there. The next chapters are going to be a bit longer.<strong>

**Please review, you lovely people. It really makes me so so so happy! :o)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Comfort**

**Beckett is lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.**

**A/N: Again a big thank you to all who are reading this little piece. I would have never ever expected to have so many people who'd be interested in this. Thank you so much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, just my imagination.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously:<strong>I moved forward a few steps, but when I turned Castle hadn't followed. So I just stuck to the words that always worked with him. "Castle? Are you coming or what?"_

Uh, apparently I was longer away in my fantasy world as I thought, because my Detective was already half way outside the bullpen. I hurried to catch on as I was really looking forward to grab a bite with her. When we reached her Crown Victoria which was standing right outside the building she turned around to face me, a shy smile playing around her lips. And what came next left me doubt my ability to hear.

"Castle, I am really tired. Do you wanna drive?"

She examined me closely and when I wasn't able to answer right away, because I did definitely not believe what I thought I'd heard, she added:

"Yes, Castle, you heard correctly. And close your mouth, you're starting to drool."

And before I could react properly she grabbed my hand, put her keys into it and opened the door to the passenger side.

I did not want to stand around like a fool any longer and decided to just go with it. If she was playing with me and going to tell me she was joking as soon as I got into the car, well then, so be it. I would come up with a good answer to fire back at her.

But this wasn't even necessary. As soon as I entered the car and started it, she leaned back comfortably, yawned and closed her eyes. Either she was still fooling me or she was really tired. The latter would confirm the feeling I had all day long. Something was off with her. Of course when I arrived at the precinct at 7 o'clock she was already there. And Ryan told me he'd heard she was already there at 5. Well, this was also not something too odd for her as we had an open case and no clue at the moment. But she seemed not only tired from getting up that early, she seemed worn out. Exhausted. And I was definitely doing to find out at what was going on there.

But I wanted to give her some peace and silence, at least for the little time it took us to get to our favorite place after a long day.

I tried my best to leave her in peace and not to bother her, but after we ordered and settled in at our favorite spot in the little restaurant and sat there for at least 10 minutes – which felt like hours – in complete silence, my curiosity took over and I could no longer stand it. So when I opened my mouth and was about to ask her what was going on, she suddenly reached over across the table and placed a finger over my mouth. I was startled by the sudden contact and when she moved her finger away a second later I felt myself leaning towards her a bit, following her finger with my lips.

"Castle, I know how much strength it must have cost you to stay silent all those time. And I really have to say that I didn't thought you could last that long with your mouth closed…"

"Why Detective…" I had to interrupt, " I would be very pleased to demonstrate you how long I can _last_…"

"Castle.", she sighed. Apparently she wasn't in the mood for our little innuendos. What a pity.

"I am really thankful for your efforts to give me a little silence. And the only thing I ask for now is if you could please give it to me a little longer. I just want to eat in peace and as soon as we're finished you can ask me all the questions twirling around inside of your head. I am not going to promise you I will answer all of them…", she added quickly when she saw the grin on my face, "But I promise you to listen to all of them."

Well that was enough for me. For now. Our burgers and shakes arrived and we had a little small talk during our meal, and I was surprised how she would constantly brush my fingers with hers when she stole some fries from my plate. I couldn't get enough of that feeling of her skin on mine even if it were just our fingers touching.

"… and the look on Lanie's face when you turned the tables on her. It was priceless. " she laughed. It was music in my ears.

"So you don't think she was hurt?"

"No, Castle, I don't think so. I had planned to call her later anyway. I'll check on her then. But I definitely think she was just feeling caught red-handed."

"But why would she really look for Espo if they broke up?"

"You're the writer, Castle. You tell me. Besides you were the one who came up with this thought earlier…"

"Well I just wanted to distract her from… well… _us._ But I really think there's something going on there again."

She smiled and nodded, telling me she would interview Lanie about that later, too.

"So, and now _Kate_,I just have one question for you. I am dying to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours today."

* * *

><p>I knew that this question would come. But he was being really sweet not to bother me so far and to give in to my beg for a little more silence. And I had promised him to listen to his questions. But I did not know if I really wanted to answer this particular one. But I owed him right? He deserved to know.<p>

"Listen Castle… Rick." I still could not believe how I could make him so happy with the use of his first name. It was amazing to see how much power I had over him. But it also made me quite nervous. How would he react if I whispered all those other things to him that I wanted to say some other day?

"Beckett? Kate? You wanted to say something?"

"Yeah, right, I am sorry. I'm not myself today. It was a rough night and I am just exhausted. My nights are often filled with nightmares… Especially since… You know… I cannot help it, they scare the shit out of me."

I saw in his face that he understood how hard it was for me to admit that I was scared. But I knew that he just deserved to know the truth. If I couldn't tell him, then who else could I tell?

"What nightmares, Kate? Tell me about them. Maybe it'll make you feel better."

"I am not a kid anymore, Castle…"

"Oh, are we back to 'Castle' again? Look, Kate, I just wanted to help you. For me it still works when I talk about my nightmares, or if I write them down. It somehow takes the edge off of them, you know? But if you don't want to talk it's just fine." He seemed a little disappointed at my harsh words and I really didn't mean for them to be that harsh.

"Look… Cas- Rick. I am sorry. Again." I sighed. Why was this so difficult?

"I am really a little on the edge. I did not want to be mean."

And suddenly the smile was back on his face and the spark back in his eyes. He reached over the table, put our plates aside and took my hand into his.

Encouraged by this little gesture that held so much for the both of us, I tried to explain further.

"Since that afternoon last spring… I do have the same dream over and over again. In the beginning it haunted me almost every night. It's better now, I don't have it that often anymore. But lately it affects me even worse, it gets more and more intense and… I don't know how describe it…"

"It just catches you off guard now, because you don't know when this nightmare comes to haunt you again, right?"

"You could say so, yes. Although it's always the same…" I looked down onto our joined hands. I didn't know if I was ready to talk to him about the content of this horrible dream. I only once told my psychiatrist about it, and only the outlines of the whole thing. I just realized right here and then how much it did affect me.

"Tell me about it, Kate. _Please."_

* * *

><p>I just wanted to make it better, make her feel better. It broke my heart to see her like this. Of course, I did have those nightmares, too. About her lying in my arms, dying. And those dreams gave me a pretty hart time, too, back then. But I did not have them in months, not since I wrote the last one down. That really worked for me.<p>

But apparently she had not found something for her, to make it better. Bearable.

"I can't, Rick. Not here… Not with everyone… looking…" She blushed. Kate Beckett blushed right in front of me. I did my best to suppress the grin that wanted to spread across my face. She was embarrassed by her feelings, by her emotions and she was nevertheless willing to tell me about them. There was no way I would grin about that, although it somehow, somewhere filled me with joy. Joy, that she finally wanted to open up a bit with me.

"Ok, why don't we move this conversation to my couch? In front of the fireplace with a glass of wine… Trust me, it's much easier to talk that way."

"I don't know, Rick… I don't want to ruin your evening…"

There was no way I would her let to get away with this.

"Kate, listen to me. I want to help you. I mean it. I want to know. I am flattered that you consider to tell me. So please don't back down now. Don't run away again."

Her face fell and for the second time this evening I had the feeling I said exactly the wrong thing. And for the second time I was so wrong.

"What about Alexis and Martha?" she whispered with still rosy cheeks, still avoiding my eyes.

"Take it as a good sign, they're both spending the night elsewhere. Martha's at a party her students give for her tonight, at her acting school's anniversary and Alexis is visiting her mother for a long weekend. So it's gonna be just the two of us." I encouraged her.

"Just the two of us…", she whispered so quietly that I couldn't really understand it.

"What did you say? Listen, it really is perfectly fine."

"Ok, Rick. Let's go, before I change my mind."

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts?<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Comfort**

**Beckett is lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.**

**A/N: Step by step we're getting there... ;o)**

**I had this chapter already written two days ago, but this site wouldn't let me sign in the last two days and upload it until today. So here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, just my imagination.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously: <strong>__"Ok, why don't we move this conversation to my couch? In front of the fireplace with a glass of wine… Trust me, it's much easier to talk that way."_

"_Ok, Rick. Let's go, before I change my mind."_

We spent the ride to his loft in complete silence again. I was a little bit nervous, although I'd never admit it. But the fact that it would be just the two of us at his loft tonight gave me a funny feeling in my stomach. I couldn't quite place it, because we were alone there a few times already, when I stayed there after my apartment blew up. But so much had changed since then. And I didn't trust myself, with the current emotional state I was him, and with him all charming and wine-providing.

As soon as we left the car and entered the building my phone rang. It was Lanie. Who else?

"Rick, this is Lanie, I have to take this. I am just taking the stairs, you can take the elevator. I'll be there soon."

"Ok, I'll just leave the door open. Come right in when you're ready."

"Hi Lanie." I answered my phone while taking two steps at a time. A habit I just was too used to.

"So, now you tell me what was wrong with you."

"Good evening to you too." I said sarcastically.

"Whatever. Girl, spill. What's going on with you and writer-boy?"

"It's writer-man, Lanie, and I…"

"Oh, writer-MAN. Now it gets interesting…"

"No, Lanie. It's nothing like that. I just don't feel well and he is there for me. Not like _that_…"  
>I smiled. I certainly wouldn't mind that. Wait, wait. Where was this coming from?<p>

"He just hugged me within the elevator and I don't know what you think you saw when we met there, but it was nothing. And I won't discuss this now. But tell me, why were you looking for Espo?"

"I wasn't looking for him. I already told the two of you. I was…"

"Cut the crap, honey. It was written all over your face. So, it's time that _you_ spill."

"Let's make a deal alright? We both spill."

"Fine, you first."

"Ok, ok, I was looking for him. We were supposed to meet there, but I texted him that I would be late. I just wanted to surprise him. So I was quite disappointed that he wasn't there anymore."  
>"I sent the boys home a few minutes before. And he seemed pretty exited and couldn't get away soon enough. So let me guess…"<br>"No more guessing, girlfriend. I found him at the morgue and we grabbed a bite at the little French restaurant around the corner."

"So the two of you are…"

"I don't know yet. We don't know yet. We're just happy to see each other and spent time together. We'll see where this'll take us."

"I am happy for you. I really, really am. Where is he now? Sitting beside you and listening?" I joked.

"Nuh uh, he's asleep in my bed."

"Lanie!"

"What? Anyway, now it's your turn."

I smiled. I was really happy that the two of them had a good time again.

"I don't know, Lanie. It's still so complicated. I told you once about the nightmares I have?"

"Yeah, well, you just said you constantly had bad dreams, but you never told me what they were about. Although I think I know a little, given the circumstances."

"Mh mh, it's always the same and always about the shooting. And they're getting really intense lately and so just let's say it was a rough night. Rick somehow…"

"Rick?"

"Yes, Laniiiie, Rick." I said in the best no-nonsense-voice I could manage. "He knew that something was wrong…"

"Of course he knew…"

"God, Lanie, would you just let me tell? He invited me over to Remy's and asked me what was wrong, but I just couldn't tell him there. So he suggested that we would go over to his' and talk here in silence and a nice glass of wine."

"Oh, sweety, that sounds really lovely!"

"Right? So I agreed…"

"Oh. Oh. So you're there now."

"Kind of. I am standing in front of his door."

"So what are you waiting for, girl? Go inside and let writer-monkey charm you sorrow away."

"Lanie! Besides as I remember I was called by someone and am currently talking to her."

"Right, right." She laughed. "So go on in. I'll go back to… bed."

"Gosh, Lanie, you're incorrigible! Have a… good time?"

"Oh I'll have. You, too! Say hello to writer-MAN…"

* * *

><p>I was anxiously waiting for her to come in. I was long before finished with my preparations and now sitting impatiently on my couch, staring at the door all the time. And finally she came in. I almost thought she might have changed her mind and gone home.<p>

She looked so stunning gorgeous when she entered my door, a little insecure for what to do or where to go next. So I just stood up, smiled at her and took her light black jacket.

"I am so glad you're here."

"Me, too. Lanie says 'Hello'."

"How's she? Everything alright?" I asked while I was leading her over to the couch.

I had already taken care about the fireplace and in front of us were standing two glasses with ice and a little light brown fluid in it on the little coffee table.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Apparently she and Espo… You know. Are c_onnected _again."

"What makes you say that?" I had to smile at the thought. Those two really belonged to each other.

"Well, as we were talking, Esposito was asleep…"

"Asleep? As 'asleep in her BED'?"

"You've got it."

"I am really happy for them. They're just perfect for each other. "

"I know! Everyone knows it and everyone sees it, except for the two of them. I wonder how one can be so blind…"

She looked me deeply into the eyes as I sat down next to her. Quite close, but not really touching her.

"Yeah… So… What's this?" She pointed to the glasses with the unknown liquid. "I thought you promised me wine?"

"Oh, you'll get your wine, Katherine Beckett. But first, I want you to try this. I bought it thinking of you and I really hope you'll like it."

She looked at me critically. She didn't really trust me, so I just took the glasses and gave one to her and rose mine up in the air to toast to her. She carefully took a sip as I did, too, and then her eyes went wide.

"Cas-Rick! What is this? It's… WOW… It's delicious!"

"Take another sip. You'll find out."

"It tastes like… Uuuhm… Bailey's!"

"Yup. That's right. But it's a special kind of Bailey's."

"Mmmmmmh… " she took another sip and held it a little longer in her mouth to taste more of it. I could help but imagine how she would taste right now. How it would be to kiss her deeply and taste her unique flavor, mixed with the Bailey's. I suppressed a moan. This wasn't the right time. Not quite yet. And if I would fantasize further I would have to get cushion onto my lap to prevent curious questions from this lovely woman sitting here with me still drinking the Bailey's so very alluringly. The way she closed her eyes when the liquid came in contact with her lips and her tongue… Damn, Rick. Stop it. Or you're gonna lose it. Focus. Focus.

"This is… Coffee!"

"Yeah, that's right. It's '_Bailey's with a hint of _coffee'." I showed her the bottle with the label.

"This is amazing, Rick. It's even better than the original."

"I hoped you little coffee-junkie would say something like that." I chuckled.

The wide smile on her face signalized that she knew exactly what I meant. I couldn't get enough of that smile and was really happy to see her like this again. But way too soon the moment was over and she looked away again, the longing and forlorn expression back on her pretty face.

"So, you wanted to tell me about your nightmares, Kate."

"Yeah, right… I… Oh gosh, I don't even know where to start…"

"How about 'the beginning'?" I joked, trying to enlighten the mood a bit.

"Funny, Rick." She sighed.

"I'll get us some wine first." I suggested and she smiled thankfully. That was the moment when I realized that if she didn't start to talk on her own accord I just should let her be. I should stop to push her. Or she wouldn't tell me at all. So I just went back to her with the wine and tried to make a little small talk.

About an hour and four glasses of wine later, Kate Beckett, this Kate Beckett leaned into my side on my couch and sighed.

"You, know, Rick, those nightmares… They're not only about me. They're also about you."

Finally she opened up to me. And although I knew that the coming talk wouldn't be too pleasant I couldn't suppress the little smile forming on my face as I lay my arm around her neck and put a light kiss to the crown of her head and just lingered there to smell her hair again. I didn't say a word on purpose, I just wanted her to be able to tell me everything without any distractions.

* * *

><p>"It's always the same one. It starts with me standing at Roy's… funeral." I began. "And suddenly there are all those shadows creeping in and everything goes dark. The sun doesn't shine anymore and there are dark figures surrounding us. And suddenly everyone's gone and I am alone and everywhere's blood and…" I tried to choke back the tears but it was in vain. They were already flowing down my cheeks and into Rick's deep blue shirt. Wait, when did this happen? Since when are we sitting on his couch in a tight embrace? To be honest, it didn't even matter much. It just felt so good and comfortable and I just felt so safe again surrounded by his strong arms. Surrounded by him. I always wanted to be this strong, independent woman who doesn't need anyone to make her feel safe, and I still was this woman somewhere, but after all that's happened to me the past year I didn't see any harm in my current feelings anymore. It was ok to let me get carried away by his wonderful scent and his soothing voice that just whispered to my ear that it was ok.<p>

"So I am all alone with all these shadowy figures and all this blood and the chase me through the graveyard. And I pass gravestone after gravestone and there's no end. No escape. And suddenly there's a shot, but it doesn't hit me. I just see someone go down beside me. And then there's a second shot and this one hits me and I stumble on the ground. I just lay there and I know that I am going to die…"

"Oh, Kate…"

"This isn't even the worst part. The most horrible fact is that _you_ lie there on the ground beside me and you are… you are… dead. I always see your broken blue eyes in front of me and… I couldn't… I couldn't save you…" I let my tears now run freely. There were no more words spoken in the next 30 minutes or so. He would just let me sit there, hold me and let me cry. And so I cried. I cried for me and that I had faced death too much lately. I cried for him, that he had faced death too much anyway. I cried for my mother and how much I missed her still and that I couldn't give her justice or peace. I cried for all the victims I couldn't give justice, either. And I cried for being left heartbroken after Castle left with Gina for the Hamptons. And I cried for me being left heartbroken when Will left for Boston… Wait, where did this come from? I was surprised, even frightened that this thought entered my mind right now. What had Will to do with all of this? And then it dawned upon me. I wasn't just frightened to take the next step with Rick, because my life was a mess and I had still so many issues or because I was afraid to lose him as my best friend. It was mostly , because I didn't want to be left heartbroken again. I didn't wanted to let him in, because I was _still_ afraid that he would walk away again and leave me behind. _  
>Still<em>, after all those time in which he had proven himself to me, in which "ALWAYS" had become so special to both of us. In Which we build up so much trust again. I still didn't trust him with my heart.

"But the heart wants what the heart wants…" I whispered the words he once said to me.

"What did you say, honey?"

Wait. WAIT! Did he just call me honey? What the hell? And why did it feel so damn good?

"No… thing…" I couldn't breathe. It was just too much. All of it together was just so much. I panicked, right here with Rick by my side. The worst thing that could ever happen to me. I didn't want him to see me this way. I wanted to run, to hide in the bathroom, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything, hell, I couldn't even breathe.

* * *

><p>Right when I thought she was calming down again it somehow got worse. She tensed in my arms and seemed not to be able to breathe properly. I knew what this meant, as I had gone through this more than once, too. This was a panic attack. And because I knew how it felt I tried to help her to come out of it again.<p>

"Shhhh, Kate, shhhh. It's ok. It's ok. Just breathe. Come, let's do it together. In… and out…. In… and out… Come on, Kate, try it, I know you can do this. I know you can handle this. Breathe deeply. In… and out. Good… Very slowly. Very slowly. Just breathe. Just breathe. It's ok, everything's ok. We're both here, safe and sound. It's ok as long as you keep breathing. I'm with you, you hear me? I am here with you. And I'll never leave you, I promise. You'll never get rid of me. I lo…" No. Not now. "I'm here."

And it worked. She kept breathing. And calmed down again, burying her face into my shirt in embarrassment.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed, Kate. It's fine, it's just fine. I went through panic attacks frequently after Meredith left us. I know how it's like."

And when she looked up at me again I saw no more grief or sorrow. She really looked better than all day, although she had streams all over her face from her tears and her make-up was competely ruined. But I never adored her more than that very moment.

"Thank you, Rick." She whispered.

"Always."

And as if we were drawn together by magnetism, our bodies got even closer and as our faces were just inches away I couldn't resist the urge and crashed my lips onto hers. I could feel that she was slightly shocked, but after a few seconds she responded to the kiss. It was deep and rough and passionate. I buried my hands in her auburn locks and she put both hands around my neck and urged me even closer. It felt a lot like the kiss we shared undercover, over a year ago. It was also as desperate and passionate and left us moaning and breathless when it ended.

"That was…" she began.

"Amazing. Again." I finished.

She looked at me a long moment and I could see in her eyes that she also went back to this dark alley in front of the building where they were holding Ryan and Esposito as hostages.

And suddenly she stood up and stormed to the bathroom. And left me hopeless back on the couch, with the feeling of never tasting her, never holding her again. She ran away again and this time she surely wasn't coming back to me.

But oh, I was so wrong again. About five minutes later she was back again, right there in my arms, sighing contently.

"Thank you again, Rick. I really feel better now. I just had to use the bathroom and fix my face a little." She added when she saw the devastated look on my face.

"I am glad, Kate. I thought I made a horrible, horrible mistake…"

"No, it's fine Rick. I can't promise you more for now, and I don't want to talk more now. But I can assure you, it's just fine." She smiled and kissed me again.

This time the kiss was entirely different. Sweet and slow and gentle. Our lips were barely touching and it stroke me deep down in my heart. It was a promise. Not a "Yes, I do", but a promise to try.

And all of a sudden Lady Antebellum's "Just A Kiss" sounded through the room.

"Why Rick, I never thought you were _that_ metrosexual…"

"Why Kate, I do like this song. But it wasn't on purpose. I just hit the remote with my backside when I was leaning into you, to taste those wonderful lips… And it must have been Alexis who left it in there…"

"Sure. Anyway it kind of fits to the moment, right? With the moonlight shining through the windows and all… So, don't waste time with talking and kiss me again."

* * *

><p><strong>So, they finally kissed! What did you think?<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Comfort**

**Beckett is lost after a night full of nightmares and Castle can't help providing a little comfort.**

**A/N: This is the final chapter. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It wouldn't be this much fun without you! **

**This little piece is pure fluff again. And maybe a little cheesy. But I just can't help myself. I am a hopeless romantic…  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, just my imagination.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously:<strong>_ _And all of a sudden Lady Antebellum's "Just A Kiss" sounded through the room._

_[…] "It kind of fits to the moment, right? With the moonlight shining through the windows and all…" [Beckett said] "So, don't waste time with talking and kiss me again."_

I had never felt happier in my life. After kissing and cuddling a little with my Detective we decided to watch a little TV and just sit comfortably cuddled up on my couch. Before soon the wine showed its effect on my lovely Kate and she fell asleep upon me. I couldn't help but watching her in her sleep. I knew it was kind of creepy and I realized that I really must be a little too obsessed with her, but she looked so lovely and peaceful. I had never ever seen a more beautiful creature in my life. And I didn't ever want to let her go again. But my own exhaustion and the wine I had took over soon. I barely managed to get us both in a lying and more comfortable position as I lay down with my back against the back of the couch and simply embraced the love of my life from behind and kind of spooned up with her. Thankfully my couch was wide enough for us both to lay comfortable beside each other. She didn't even stir during my movements.

And although nothing more happened, to me it was the most wonderful night I had up to that point. Just because she was laying here with me. And because she wanted to, not because we were trapped and freezing almost to death or were drugged and cuffed. It was the beginning to something entirely new, the next step within our partnership. And I wouldn't have wanted to go further with her right then, didn't even want to sleep with her this night. Not because I wasn't hot for her, I definitely was. But because I had planned the first time I would bed Katherine Beckett to be entirely different. With no alcohol and tears involved. Slowly and lovingly and rested. Not after such a long day and a night full of nightmares. And with the next day off, because once I got her into my bed, I didn't plan on letting her go too soon again. With those wonderful thoughts in my mind I drifted into sleep and had the most amazing dreams of her.

* * *

><p>When I woke up the next morning I could only think that it's been ages since I had slept through a night. I couldn't even remember when I felt this rested and comfortable and ready for the day to come. And then I realized I wasn't at home in my bed. That I wasn't even sleeping in a bed <em>at all<em>. And then I heard it. The light snoring coming from behind. I couldn't help but smile. Finally I was here, lying within the arms of the man I loved. I knew that I loved him for quite a while, but I was too scared to admit it, even to myself. But the last evening proofed it to me that it was right. Oh, so right. And although I hadn't changed much and still had way too many issues, I didn't think I wasn't ready for this anymore. I knew it wouldn't be easy and we would fight a lot and give each other a lot of grief. But I knew with him – just with _him_ – it just might work out. And I was ready to give this, to give us a chance.

"Good morning, beautiful." He said sleepily.

"How did you know I am awake?"

"I could practically _hear_ you thinking…"

"I am sorry. Good morning to you, too."

I sat up and looked at him. He looked so very adorable with his messy hair and the light stubble on his cheeks and the sleepy look in his eyes. Those blue eyes…

"Kate, I know you probably didn't plan on staying here tonight. But I assure you, I wouldn't have let you go anyway. So it's more than fine with me. In fact, I dreamt of this a lot… So please don't overthink this lovely evening we had…"

"I don't Rick."

"What are you thinking about then?"

"That I am afraid as hell and probably should have panicked and ran away already."

The devastated look on his face just let my heart break a little. Oh, Rick. I had to put things right, had to make him understand, no matter how difficult this was for me personally.

"But I am here Rick. See? I AM HERE. And I want this. I want… _Us._ And I won't be going… Just to work." I smiled at him. Wait. Wait! Work!

"Kate, I don't know what to say, I…"

"Rick, oh my Gosh, what time is it?"

"It's… I don't know… Not too late, it's not too bright outside. Wait a moment." He grabbed his phone from the table. "It's just after 7…"

"Oh no, I wanted to be at the precinct at half past 6. Damn it!"

And there was the little trace of panic I was already waiting for. I spent the night here, I didn't even think of setting my alarm. I wasn't showered and still in the clothes from yesterday. And we had a murder to solve, a case waiting for us and I was already half an hour late. Wonderful. But I tried to fight the panic away this time and didn't let it wash over me. I remembered Rick's words he softly whispered to me last night and tried to breathe deeply. It wasn't _that_ bad, actually, was it?

"Kate… Please, I am sorry. I didn't remember to ask you to which time I should set the alarm. Hell, I didn't even remember to set the alarm. I was just too overwhelmed and happy last night, and when you fell asleep I realized how tired I was and…"

"Shhhh, Rick" I said while I placed a finger onto his lips. I thought for a moment and replaced my finger with my own lips. I wanted to tell him everything with the kiss I couldn't put into words. That I was afraid as I woke up this morning surrounded by his strong arms and with his breath in my neck. But that it felt just so good and that I wanted to wake up every morning just like that. That my panic attacks weren't just over and even the tiniest things concerning a relationship scared the shit out of me. And that we both still had a lot of things to work on, and that it wouldn't be easy. But, most of all, that I wanted to do this. I didn't want to hide any longer. I didn't want any relationships with men I didn't love anymore. He was so right this evening almost a year ago. I didn't want to run away anymore or hide behind the unsolved case of my mother. I wanted to make this work and I wanted it now. We've waited for so long and it was enough. I didn't want to wait anymore.

I really hoped he would understand all those things somehow. I couldn't voice them right there and then, we simply did not have the time. I wanted to talk to him, after this case. When we would both be relaxed and had enough time to discuss all those things.

"Oh my Gosh, Kate. You're going to be the death of me. I have never been kissed like _that._"

"And I have never kissed like that." I laughed.

"But Rick I really have to go now. I have to stop by my apartment, take a shower and put clean clothes on. And I really have to be a t the precinct as soon as possible."

"We could shower here… Together…" he suggested with a sultry grin.

I couldn'd suppress the urge to lightly kiss him on his soft lips.

"No."

"Let me at least make you a little breakfast."

I kissed him again. "No."

"Coffee?"

I kissed him again. "No."

"That's not fair."

I kissed him another time. "I know".

And as I wanted to stand up from the couch where we still sat beside each other, he grabbed me firmly and pulled me down onto his lap in a firm hug. I was straddling him now and he kissed me passionately. It seemed to me as if he wanted to try to change my mind and if there wasn't a case waiting for me he would probably have had success. His strong arms around me, his large hands right there on my derriere massaging lightly and his lips ravishing mine. He ran his tongue over them and I remembered just in time that we both hadn't brushed our teeth this morning. So I broke away and just smiled contently at him. I could feel his excitement in just the right place between my legs and it cost me all my willpower to stand up again.

"I really have to go now, Rick. We've got all the time in the world for _that_ after this case is solved. I'll take a few days off then and we'll be able to talk and have breakfast and coffee and so much _other _things…" I said with a wicked grin.

"This is so not fair!" he pouted. "Will you nevertheless come over tonight again?"

"Yes, Ri-ck, I will." I went to the door adding a little more swing to my hips. He groaned, which made me giggle. Yes, giggle. It just felt so right.

"Will you be at the precinct in about an hour, bringing me coffee?" I asked as I opened the door. I didn't dare to kiss him good-bye as I was afraid I would get lost in the kiss again and never leaving this house.

"Always."

* * *

><p><strong>The end<strong>

**I do hope you all have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

**I do plan on a sequel someday soon. Those two are really fun to write about!**


End file.
